• Want relationship problem advice and tips? Look no further!
• Your relationships are a great source of personal development • Discover the most important thing about your relationships • Learn what the 3 most important relationships in your life are • Get your Keys to Relationships - a help in ALL your relationships! • Read the answers to the most common relationship problems
Relationship Problem Advice
- About What?
Well, here you'll get relationship problem advice about almost anything and everything that has to do with you and others: Your relationship to your family, your love partner, your friends, your boss, your colleagues, your pets ... and just as importantly, your relationship to yourself and to life itself.
Relationship Challenges Are Golden Opportunities
In short, relationships are one of the greatest opportunities - perhaps even the greatest opportunity - for spiritual development, personal development, self improvement and self actualization in human life. Consequently, our relationships are also the potentially most challenging part of our lives.
What the Relationship Problem Advice Here Is Based On
This page will provide you with lots of new relationship tips and relationship problem advice - primarily based on three things: 1) My own practice and experience as a coach, consciousness guide, self help author and personal development teacher. 2) The (experience based) perspective that you, I and life itself are a unified whole. 3) My coherent empowerment theory (on the cutting edge of personal development, coaching, motivation and spirituality) that I have developed in the recent years, based on 1) and 2) above. But first, let's just briefly look at this:
What Is a Relationship?
A relationship is a state of connectedness you have with someone or something. When you deal more than a little with the person(s) or object(s), you develop some kind of relationship. You can have a relationship with or to anything and anyone, including yourself and life in general. With a relationship being simply a state of connectedness you have with someone or something from a person, to an animal, to a place, to a pair of shoes, we need a term that involves humans only (including your relationship to yourself). That term is: interpersonal relationship.
The Focus of This Page
Interpersonal relationships - relationships between people - are the kinds of relationships that this page and the underlying relationship articles primarily focus on. Your relationship to life itself (life esteem and philosophy/beliefs) and your relationship to yourself (self esteem and self identity/self concept) plus your relationships to your pet lizard, potted plant or things like money and material possessions are covered elsewhere on this website. If they aren't yet, in time they will be. And with regard to spirituality, self improvement, self help, self actualization and all that? Well, interpersonal relationships - your relationship to your love partner, for example - are one of the greatest sources of personal development there is! And that goes both when making love and sex is involved and when it isn't.
Navigating This Page
I strongly recommend that you read everything on this page (Relationship Problem Advice: All You Need to Know ...), because as the name suggests there's some powerful relationships information on it! But, if you so desire, you can in fact jump directly to the section that deals with Common Relationship Problems & Challenges. (Please note that most of those aren't up yet - so, you can read about them (and get important relationship problem advice) but you can't read the full relationship article yet). Also, you can jump directly to the brief definitions, called Different Types of Relationships. They will help you navigate, too, if you're looking for info on a specific kind of relationship. (Please note that the same thing as mentioned in the paragraph above is true of some of these articles. They aren't up yet, so you can read about them, but no more than that - just yet). And now, let's dig into the powerful relationships information.
Your Keys to Relationships: An Overview
How do you build a good relationship to someone? What's important? I actually have a very precise answer for you. It takes the form of a dozen concepts that you can focus on - I call them Your Keys to Relationships ... Your Keys to Relationships • Intention (Choice / Courage / Free Will / Will Power / Dedication)
• Trust (Relaxing in the Knowledge that All Is and Will Be Okay)
• Openness (Being Open Towards Yourself, Others and Life)
• Focus Inwards (Being Centred in Yourself / Living from the Inside Out)
• Love (Using Your Heart / Always Choosing Love)
• Acceptance (Saying Yes / The Art of Allowing / Forgiving / Letting Go)
• Attention (Consciousness / Awareness / Presence)
• Self responsibility (Taking Charge / Not Being a Victim / Being Reliable)
• Authenticity (Being Who You Are and Showing It / Honesty)
• Self Knowledge (Understanding Yourself, Others and Life)
• Common Ground (Shared Interest)
• Playfulness (Humour / Fun / Adventure / Exploration / Learning)
When you have problems and challenges in your relationships, they can almost always be boiled down to one or more of the above things, i.e. to you not using one of your keys to relationships. And conversely, when you do use those relationship keys, you actually improve all your relationships at once. Perhaps you've noticed that these keys are the same keys that you use to build up a mature love relationship based on unconditional love. Well, those relationship keys work in pretty much any and all of your relationships - from love relationships, to family relationships, to friendships [LINK], to business relationships. They even work in your relationships to animals, objects, decisions, actions, situations and life itself. I'm not going to go into detail about each of the relationship keys here, but coming up is an article that provides an easy walk through of your keys to relationships [LINK], and pretty soon after that (on this website) you will be able to buy a minibook or an e-book that tells you all you need to know about them [LINK].
When to Add Logic to the Relationship Keys
In short: Whenever you are in a relationship the relationship keys will work for you. There is one thing to remember, though: Those keys are based on love. There are situations where almost no love is present: when you are dealing with a machine or an organization or a psychopath, for instance. (This includes your dealings with your boss, if you have one, because your boss may be a really nice person, but he or she is still an agent, acting on behalf of a pretty loveless organization). In those instances where almost no love is present, the relationship keys still work, but you will want to add simple, cold logic to your dealings. That's all. Just add logic. Or, if you prefer another term: Common sense. And hey, you would do that anyway, right?
What Works and What Doesn't
As in all walks of life some things just work while other things just do not. When it comes to relationships ... Knowing yourself and choosing to focus inwards with love as your governing principle, staying open, accepting, authentic and attentive, trusting all parts of yourself and life completely and taking total responsibility for your experience while keeping a relaxed, playful attitude - that works. Doing anything other than that - well, that doesn't really work. But we all do it anyway.
You Have Been Indoctrinated with Misunderstandings
So-called conventional 'wisdom' regarding relationships really isn't. Isn't wisdom, that is. Most of us have been taught, during our formative years, to focus on the outside world, to let fear guide us, to be distrustful, guarded, judgemental, serious and closed off, and to leave the responsibility for our experience to others (i.e. to feel like victims and blame others). Not out of malevolence on the part of our parents, teachers, role models and peers, but rather out of ignorance and non-consciousness. This kind of indoctrination will make what is presented on these pages very hard to swallow. And it will also make it very easy to misunderstand the information. I know, because I have spent years unlearning what I had been taught and after that I have presented this relationships information to quite a lot of people over the years.
Give Yourself a Chance to Assimilate the Info
Fully understanding the relationships information presented here is a process. It takes effort and time - simply because we have all been so thoroughly misinformed from the beginning. What I present here is going to seem upside down and perhaps even threatening, dangerous or impossible to do. It isn't. It is simply different from what you have been taught to believe. And what I present here works, because not only do I live accordingly myself (with great success), but as a coach and consciousness guide I have also used the information to help a lot of people. The information is correct - in the sense that it actually works. If you understand it and let it guide you, it WILL improve your relationships. So, please, take your time and read what I write very carefully - I have weighed my words meticulously.
Relationships: The Most Important Thing to Remember
Probably the most important thing to remember about your relationships is this: As you deal with other people (and life itself), you deal with yourself. Any reaction you have to other people or to life itself is merely a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Examples
Do your parents make you mad? Then they are displaying or touching upon something that you are not yet clear about inside yourself. If you had been clear about it you would not need the anger. Do you feel sad - or jealous - every time your love partner says or does certain things? Then look inside yourself to find the reason - and the solution. There is something inside you that's not clear, and when you clear it, your unpleasant feelings go away because they are no longer necessary. Do you feel nothing but love towards someone (even if that someone is a pet, like a dog)? Then that's because this person (or pet) does not remind you of unresolved things inside yourself, and this enables you to feel the one emotion that is left, when everything else is cleared away: unconditional love. Look Inside
When you experience unpleasant emotions in dealing with life and other people the reason - and the solution - is to be found inside yourself. Always. In other words: When you have an interpersonal relationship to someone you are in actuality first and foremost dealing with yourself. They're YOUR Feelings, Thoughts and Reactions
The feelings and thoughts that arise inside you when you have an interpersonal relationship with someone are YOUR feelings and thoughts. All your reactions are just that: YOUR reactions. Why is that important? Because ... a) It means that your reactions have nothing to do with the outside world
and
b) since it is happening inside you, then YOU are in charge! Yes, YOU Are In Charge
No matter who or what you are having a relationship with you, and only you, are in charge of your entire experience. Soon you will be able to read more about that on the page Empowerment Theory [LINK].
The 3 Most Important Relationships in Your Life
The three most important relationships in your life are these: a) Your relationship to yourself b) Your relationship to life in general c) Your relationship to other people (and animals and objects) These three kinds of relationships cover everything, and they are interconnected; they strongly affect each other. Furthermore c) above is actually a subset (a function) of a) and b). So, please do not forget this: Your relationship to yourself and your relationship to life itself are definitely the two most important relationships in your life. But we can get more specific than that, of course.
Different Types of Relationships
Here are a number of different types of relationships that you can have - and links to the pages where the subjects are discussed (or will be, when the pages are put up on the website). Your relationship to your own sense of worth or value is called self esteem. Your relationship to your own sense of skill is called self confidence [LINK]. Your relationship to life itself could be called life esteem - or simply: trust in life [LINK]. A friendship [LINK] is what you get when you take your relationship with someone to a more personal level and add things like mutual: understanding, respect, honesty, loyalty, trust, support, sympathy and empathy. Intimate relationships [LINK] occur when you add emotional and/or physical intimacy to your interpersonal relationships, including friendships. A sexual relationship [LINK] occurs when the physical intimacy is of a sexual nature. A love relationship [LINK] is what you have when both of you take your interpersonal relationship or friendship with the other to an even deeper level and involve a feeling of love. All these kinds of relationships can be mixed. Also, you can (and probably will) redefine your relation with someone (including yourself and life itself) as time goes by.
Common Relationship Problems & Challenges
Remember, basically all your relationship problems and challenges boil down to the subjects covered by your keys to relationships. So if something in your relationships isn't working, those are the main areas to check out. What follows are some very common problems people have with their relationships. With time each one will be discussed in depth in its own article on this website, but right now it is just a few of them that are online. As for the rest, well, at least you can see a bit about what's going to come ...
Understanding Women: Learn the Secrets of How Women Think
Women and men don't think the same way. Have you noticed? Men, for the most part, don't really 'get' women. Like them, oh yes! Understand them, oh no. Since I have spent years getting in touch with and integrating my feminine sides I thought it a good idea to write a self improvement article for men on how women think and how to understand women (understanding girls). So if you're a man and you want to learn the secrets of understanding women (or, you're a woman curious as to whether a man 'get' your gender) you can read my advice in love relationship (relationship advice for men): Understanding Women: Learn the Secrets of How Women Think.
--->Coming Up: Stages of a Healthy Relationship
Many healthy relationships (but not all) follow a certain, predictable pattern of courtship, falling in love, 'honeymooning', waking up to reality (disillusionment), etc. By knowing and understanding this pattern you give yourself a better chance of being able to deal with each stage as it happens for you and your partner.
--->Coming Up: How Do I Improve
My Relationship to Myself (Self Esteem)?
There is only one you, so in actuality you cannot really have a relationship to yourself, but it can certainly feel that way - and you can make this feeling work for you. Improving your relationship to yourself is very basic and very important, so it's highly recommended. It's a question of trust and of self esteem (how highly do you regard yourself?). If you want to improve your relationship to yourself I suggest you start out by doing what it takes to deal with low self esteem (and that goes no matter if you feel it's necessary or not). Then proceed by building high self esteem. And then ... take a look at the phenomenon called spiritual enlightenment. You may not think of yourself as spiritual, but check it out anyway - the information is valid no matter who you are.
--->Coming Up: How Do I Improve
My Relationship to Life Itself (Life Esteem)?
This is a question of trust. Do you trust yourself (self esteem and self confidence) and do you trust life (do you have what you might call life esteem)? If you are like most people: probably not. So, you will have to build up your trust in life - slowly improve your relationship to life itself. One way to do that is eliminating fear from your belief system and your thoughts. When you do that, you eliminate fear as a basis for your actions. Several other ways will be discussed, too.
--->Coming Up: I'm Having a Hard Time With My Family
and Would Love Some Advice!
The most common reason for that kind of trouble is a mix-up regarding needs and responsibility. In short you have to take full responsibility for fulfilling your own needs. This goes for all other functioning adults in your family, too. Other common issues include lack of trust, lack of honesty, lack of attention, lack of understanding, challenges with children, taking yourself and everything else too seriously - and more. The overall cure for every single one of those problems is being focussed in yourself and loving your family without reservation or conditions. But on the way to get there using your keys to relationships works wonders.
--->Coming Up: I Work With People (or I Want to)
and Would Like Some Tips & Tricks
Yeah, well, that I can certainly provide, seeing as how I have been working as a coach and guide for many years. In time you will find specific info on this here on this website, but for now the best way for me to help you is by giving you personal coaching and guidance [LINK] by telephone and e-mail.
--->Coming Up: I've Got Kids - How Do I Handle Relationships With My Children?
Children are little persons - and should be treated as such. You wouldn't ignore, disrespect, bully or hit another adult person, would you? You wouldn't overrule another adult without at least explaining why, right? Well, the same goes for children. An excellent rule of thumb when dealing with children is to drop your expectations and just let unconditional love guide you.
--->Coming Up: How Much Responsibility Do I Have for My Children?
When your child is an infant he or she is unable to fulfil his or her own needs, and your responsibility for your child is close to one hundred percent. As your child grows your responsibility diminishes.
--->Coming Up: How to Be Popular
What you actually want is not to be popular, but to have your needs fulfilled, particularly your social needs. This is what you are looking for, and you think the way to do that is to be popular. Not so. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with being popular, it just doesn't fulfil your needs. It may look that way from the outside, but if you ask someone popular (and get a truly honest answer) he or she often feels exactly as lonely, estranged and needy as you do. Nothing on the outside (i.e. admirers, etc.) makes any real difference in that regard. No, the one who has to fulfil your needs is you. Focussing inwards and taking responsibility for your experience is the way to go. That being said, I do have some advice for you on how to be more popular.
--->Coming Up: How to Make Friends
The first and most important person to befriend is ... yourself. Your friendships to other people are very dependent on you being good friends with yourself, for your relationship to yourself forms the basis of all your other relationships. Unsurprisingly the keys here are ... your keys to relationships. Your ability to be authentically yourself, to fulfil your own needs, and to be trusting and loving, for example, are likely to enhance your friendships greatly. If you want to know more about these subjects you might also check out the texts on self responsibility and spiritual enlightenment (even if enlightenment isn't 'your thing'). Also, some specific pages about friendship [LINK] are planned for this website - but here and now I can't tell you when they will be up.
--->Coming Up: What Makes a Good Friend?
All of your keys to relationships apply here. Common ground, honesty, openness, acceptance, love and trust are probably the most important ones ...
--->Coming Up: Age Gap Relationships
Is there a difference in age between you and your (prospective) partner? 10 years? 15? 25? Don't worry, it doesn't have to be a problem. It really doesn't. There are, however, certain things to consider and get clear about.
--->Coming Up: I Behave Like One Person at Home and Another Person at Work
This is actually quite a common choice. It kind of works for some people, but it does not - and cannot - work perfectly. The reason? Because you are pretending and limiting yourself. Either at home or at work. Now, some people argue that they merely use different aspects of their personality in different places, and that's true, of course. What's not true is that you are two different people. When you behave as if you are, then you ARE pretending and being less than authentic. When you are less than authentic, then you are LESS THAN YOU: You are being less than you can be. So don't be surprised when this works less than perfectly! My recommendation? Learn what it means to be authentically you and BE that - both at home and at work. Give it a try in both places. If for some reason your love partner or your work cannot live with you being yourself, then it may be time to switch love partner or work.
--->Coming Up: How Do I Improve My Relationship with my Colleagues?
Well, that's easy: Use your keys to relationships (e.g. focus inwards, be open, be yourself, etc.). You can't change your colleagues, but you can change yourself, your beliefs and your behaviour. Read here when it's time to change.
--->Coming Up: How to Best Handle My Boss?
Ah, a classic question. I will answer that one for you in a slightly provocative way. What you will need are your keys to relationships and one more thing ...
--->Coming Up: Open Relationships
You have an open relationship when you and your partner both agree that it's okay to be emotionally and sexually involved with other people that your partner. Open relationships actually CAN work out just fine. I know this because I used to be in an open relationship for many years. (Later I switched over to actual polyamory, i.e. being committed in a love relationship with more than one consenting partner. Even later than that I finally used letting go to get totally clear about love relationships. The end result for me is that I can no longer define myself as having any particular 'relationship orientation' which is a great relief). In this upcoming article I'll discuss the pros and cons of open relationships and give you some pointers that will help you decide if an open relationship is for you.
--->Coming Up: Friends With Benefits - Friend Sex
Is having sex as part of a friendship a possibility? Absolutely. Will it ruin the friendship? Oftentimes, yeah, but not always. It IS possible to be 'friends with benefits' (i.e. have friend sex) and have the friendship continue, even after you've stopped having sex (if you do stop). A high level of consciousness, maturity, honesty and communication are a really good idea, though.
--->Coming Up: Signs of Jealousy
Is your partner showing signs of jealousy? Are you, yourself? Find out in this upcoming relationship article.
--->Coming Up: How to Deal with Jealousy
Jealousy has to do with your needs plus things that stem back to your early childhood - but it affects you and your partner today. When this link gets up and running, it will take you to a relationship article which explains the nature and background (the cause of jealousy) of the strange and frightening emotion of jealousy - plus how to deal with jealousy: How not to be jealous.
--->Coming Up: Signs of a Bad Relationship
If you are even wondering about what the signs of a bad relationship are, then you're probably in one (given that you're wondering on your own behalf, of course, and not on behalf of a friend). First and foremost amongst the signs of a bad relationship is the feeling that being in the relationship gives you. Is it positive and pleasant or is it negative and unpleasant? This has to do with what kind of basic feeling is dominant in the relationship. If it's some sort of fear (the unpleasant one), then it's a bad relationship. If it's some sort of love (the pleasant one), then it's not. Rule of thumb? If you feel more than a little fear in connection with your relationship, then it's probably time to end it.
--->Coming Up: Signs of a Controlling Relationship
A very insecure person (or a mentally unhealthy/ill person, like someone suffering from some level of psychopathy) may try to exert an inordinate amount of control over his or her partner. If that partner is you, it's time to get out of the relationship. Signs of a controlling relationship include (among other things): threats, violence, abuse, lack of empathy, putting you down, a scary temper, uncontrollable jealousy, and generally treating both you and other people badly ...
--->Coming Up: Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
An unhealthy relationship is one that is somehow damaging to you - physically, mentally, emotionally, with regard to your self esteem, or otherwise. You might unconsciously have entered an unhealthy relationship because there was something you needed to learn, but as soon become conscious of the way things are, it's time to make a change. And the primary change takes place inside you! This upcoming article will tell you what to do when letting go of unhealthy relationships.
--->Coming Up: When to End a Relationship
There can of course be any number of reasons why you might want to change or even end your relationship with someone. The main one, though, is this: The way the relationship is now, is not satisfactory to you. This may sound trite or egotistical, but really it's true. From each and every one of your relationships you want something, whether you're conscious about it or not. So, how do you figure out when to end a relationship? Step one is to realize what it is you want from of the relationship. Step two is either acceptance of what is, or change!
--->Coming Up: How to End a Relationship
By telling you partner or friend that you choose to end it (preferably face to face). Yep, it's shockingly simple, isn't it? I've got a few more pointers on how to end a relationship than that, though.
Getting Over a Relationship
On the subject of getting over a relationship I've got three main pointers for you - and a few secondary ones - plus an opinion ... and some how to do it directions.
Relationship Break Up Advice - Getting Over a Relationship
Want to know about getting over a relationship and surviving a breakup? Get relationship break up advice and break up tips for dealing with a break up and moving on after a breakup! Visit the self improvement article Relationship Break Up Advice.
--->Coming Up: Rebound Relationships
Some people jump into a new relationship very quickly after emerging from a serious relationship. Some folks even do so BEFORE they've actually ended the previous relationship - they actually use the new relationship as a way to break up the old one. Such new relationships are often called rebound relationships - and if you're the one hooking up with the person coming out of a serious relationship then you're the rebound girl or rebound guy. Common belief holds that rebound relationships don't last long and in many cases there is probably some truth to that. For one thing the person leaving the serious relationship may not be over it yet (unresolved problems, emotional neediness, etc.), and for another he or she may be using you (the rebound guy / rebound girl) to break up the old relationship, which is not exactly a mature way of doing it. While there is nothing wrong with jumping straight from one relationship to another, the key ingredients are openness, honesty and communication. Its okay to be the rebound girl or rebound guy if you KNOW that that's what you are, simply because it gives you a chance to adjust your expectations. These subjects, and more, are what the upcoming article will be dealing with.
--->Coming Up: Relationship Quotes
This is a collection of the best relationships quotes and relationship sayings I have encountered over the years. They have been hand picked to include only inspirational quotes that reflect what I consider truth about relationships.
--->Coming Up: Best Friend Quotes
This is a collection of quotes and quotations about best friends - with special subsections called Cute Best Friend Quotes and Best Friend Sayings. These quotes, too, have been hand picked to include only inspirational sayings and quotes that reflect what I consider truth about friendship.
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